When should I throw the shower?
Baby showers are usually held during the
8th month of pregnancy. You dont want to
schedule it too early in case problems
should arise, and having it too late
might result in the baby making an early
appearance and mom being at the hospital
during party time. It is also acceptable,
and encouraged in some practices, to have
the baby shower after the child is born.
When should invitations be sent out?
Invitations should be sent out 2-3 weeks
before the shower. Give guests time to
plan to be free that day and shop, but
not so much time that they forget about
the party.
Who should throw the shower??
It used to be proper for only a friend of
the family to throw the baby shower, but
modern times have made it acceptable for
relatives and co-workers to throw showers
as well.
Can I throw myself a baby shower?
Throwing any type of party for yourself,
where guests are asked to bring gifts, is
still frowned upon by many people. It all
really depends on how understanding your
guests would be about the situation. Some
people care, some people don't.
What if I don't want a baby shower at
all?
There are no rules saying a mother-to-be
must have a baby shower. Simply let your
friends and family know you don't wish to
have one.
Can we still have a baby shower if the
baby is already born?
It is perfectly acceptable, and sometimes
even preferred, to have a baby shower up
to several months after the birth of the
child.
Mom-to-be has already had a shower during
this pregnancy, can we throw her another?
As long as you do not invite the same
guests, it is fine. Sometimes family or
friends don't get along or are from
separate parts of the new parents lives
(dad's co-workers as opposed to mom's
family members) and two showers are
needed.
Is it acceptable to throw a baby shower
for a 2nd, 3rd or subsequent pregnancy?
While it was once only acceptable to have
a baby shower for the first pregnancy, it
is now widely accepted for each pregnancy
to be celebrated with a baby shower.
Is it okay to throw a baby shower for
someone who is adopting a child?
Of course! Adopted babies are just as
special and deserve every bit as much
celebrating!
Who should I invite to the baby shower?
Close friends and family members, the
parents-to-be's friends, co-workers,
godparents, and others you feel the
parents-to-be would enjoy having at the
shower. Try to refrain from inviting
people you have not had contact with in a
long time simply for more presents
though, its considered tacky.
Can I invite men to the baby shower?
Yes! Men are now allowed in the delivery
room, why not let them in the baby shower
as well?
A close friend of mine recently lost a
child or found out she cannot have
children, should I invite her to my
shower?
As sometimes getting an invitation alone
can be quite upsetting to someone in your
friends situation, I would contact her
personally and talk to her about the
situation first. Not being invited at all
might be equally as upsetting, especially
if the two of you are close, so please
don't discount her altogether. Most of
all, respect her decision. If she decides
it would be too hard for her to attend,
please realize that it doesn't mean she
isn't happy for you, or that she doesn't
want to celebrate your child, she just
needs to sort out her own feelings.
Where should we have the shower ?
The home of the hostess is the most
common place for the shower to be held,
however the home of any friend or
relative who is willing, or places like
banquet halls, church gyms, restaurants,
picnic/park areas and club meeting halls
are becoming common as well.
If we have the shower at a restaurant,
who should pay for the meals?
Typically the host(ess) is responsible
for all expenses when throwing a party.
If you have your heart set on having your
shower at a restaurant, but your budget
doesn't allow for pricey meals, try
calling ahead to the restaurant and
asking if they can make a special menu of
lower priced foods for your guests. If
you believe your friends and family would
be understanding and willing to pay for
their own food, you might try including
in the invitation that free drinks and
dessert will be provided, letting them
politely know meals are not free.
Two of my friends are expecting, can we
throw a double shower for them both?
This can be tricky, unless all the guests
know both moms-to-be equally well. If
some guests know one of the mothers and
not the other, the issue will arrive as
to whether they should buy a present for
each, or just the mom they know. Also,
some moms-to-be prefer to have this
special occasion be centered around
themselves, like their wedding and may
not appreciate sharing the limelight.
However, if you know the two wouldn't
mind sharing the occasion and all guests
know both moms, it might be a fun idea.
Two or more of my friends/family want to
host my baby shower, can I have more than
one host?
If two or more people want to host the
shower, and can get along well enough to
run it together, co-hosting is a great
idea.
The person (co-)hosting my shower is
ruining everything! Can I fire them?
When throwing a baby shower for a loved
one, you should try your best to get
along well for the mom-to-be's sake,
however sometimes this is impossible. If
your host or co-host is simply
unbearable, try talking to them
rationally about what is upsetting you
and perhaps work out a solution. If worse
comes to worse, you may think about
telling them thank you for what they've
done so far, but you will take it from
here. Feelings will probably be hurt and
friendships may be damaged, so think
first before acting.
Some of my friends/family members don't
get along, and say they won't come if the
other is invited, what do I do?
I have the same problem in my family.
What I do is invite all sides and let
them either come or stay home. If this is
two separate sides of your family or
people from different aspects of your
life, a person from each side could throw
a separate shower for mom-to-be (on
different days of course). Assuming the
guest list would not be the same, it may
solve the problem of family feuding.
Can I specify NO KIDS at my shower?
Showers including children can be great
fun, if the kids are supervised well and
allowed to participate in shower
activities. Howver, this is a common
dilemna when or a certain friend/family
member has particularly unruly children.
Two things I can suggest that might go
over better than "don't bring your
children" would be to either state
in a polite way on the invitation
something like "hire a sitter and
meet us there at 1pm!", or if you
know children will be coming, hire a
person to provide child care in a
different area during the shower.
The host(ess) won't invite my
friend/family member to my shower, but I
really want /himher there, help!
Try talking to the hostess about how
special your friend is to you, and how
important it is to you that they be there
for this special occasion. This is your
special day, and barring any special
circumstances where it would be in your
best interest not to have said friend
attend, the people you want at the shower
should be invited.
Do we have to play games at the baby
shower?
No, but they sure make a shower fun! One
of the nicest showers I've attended was a
semi-formal affair with a nice dinner
served. Everyone mingled and chatted, but
no games were played. It really depends
on the tastes of your guests, the
parents-to-be and yourself.
Can I specify no-smoking at my shower?
For the health of the baby, it is always
advisable not to expose mother and unborn
child to second hand smoke. Smoking
guests should understand if asked to
smoke in a designated area outside the
home.
How long should a shower last?
Around 2-3 hours is the average, but it
is really up to you and your guests how
long it lasts.
I was invited to a baby shower I am not
attending, do I have to send a gift?
No one is ever obligated to buy a gift,
however it would be a polite gesture. If
you haven't had contact with the
parents-to-be in awhile, or barely know
them, and you feel they are only wanting
more gifts, its your prerogative not to
purchase one.
How much is an appropriate amount to
spend on a gift?
$25 is a nice average amount to spend.
This does depend on many factors,
however. Wealthy grandparents-to-be might
be expected to pay a bit more for a gift
than say someone struggling to make ends
meet who has only known the parents-to-be
a short time. All in all, just whatever
you feel you can afford and would like to
give the new parents to celebrate the
birth of their child.
Can I ask for other things, like
donations to charity, in leiu of gifts?
You may specify in the invitations that
if the guest WISHES/WANTS they may make a
donation to 'name of
charity/organization' in leiu of a gift.
Can I ask for cash instead of gifts?
While baby showers have come a long way
as of late, and old etiquette rules are
being broken right and left, this one is
still usually thought of as tacky.
Should I include my gift registry in the
invitations?
A reasonably sized registry list is
usually welcome, as it helps guests know
what to shop for. I would not, however,
include a 4 page long list with mostly
expensive items.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hostess
Etiquette
guideline on the do's and don'ts of
hosting a party. Simply keep your guest's
comfort in mind.
Do's:
Send invitations in a timely manner.
Always give enough time for guests to
RSVP.
Include directions in the invitations
Greet all guests at the door as they
arrive.
Provide name tags if you have a large
attendance Introduce guests to one
another at the beginning of the party. If
you have a seating arrangement, sit
people together who know each other or
have something in common.
Provide tables for your guests to sit and
eat if a meal is planned. Please don't
expect them to eat with their plate in
their lap.
Bring the gifts to the mom-to-be as she
opens gifts. She shouldn't have to carry
anything - especially anything heavy.
Write down which guest gave a certain
gift. This will help the mom-to-be when
it comes time to send thank you cards.
Be sure to have enough party favors on
hand. A little extra is good just in
case!
Get the party started on time and keep
events moving at a good pace. You would
be surprised just how long it can take to
eat, open presents, play games, talk and
eat cake.
Walk guests to the door as they leave.
Don'ts:
"Attend" the party - meaning:
you should run the party, not sit back
and relax.
Eat before your guests do. Serve the
mom-to-be first, then guests, then
yourself.
Leave first. Just plain rude.
Exclude inviting guests that the
mom-to-be wishes would be there.
Forget to thank guests for coming as they
leave.
Who Hosts the Party?
Traditionally, the host of a baby shower
would be a close friend of the mom-to-be.
Now, just about anyone can host the
party. Mothers, co-workers, friends,
sisters, cousins and so on.
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